My Refuge

we've come a long way

2011-10-10T23:42:00.000-07:00

i never thought we'd come this far. i still remember how we started, how i used to get worried if you'd leave me. with all the distance between us, sometimes the longing for each other might get a little out of hand. and those are the time when i get worried if you'd just give up and leave.

i remember how i used to blame myself whenever you said you were bored. that helpless feeling i get whenever you say something like that. but as time went by, i slowly learnt that some things are out of my control. if you're bored, then you are. i cant do anything about it. unless its my fault. hmmmm..

i remember how everything felt surreal. how i woke up in the morning, jumped on my phone just to look at the messages to make sure this isn't just one of my dreams. then i'd smile to my phone just reading the messages we've had.

i remember how i thought that keeping things to myself would be way better than confiding in you. i thought that somehow if these thoughts were kept inside, somehow they would just disappear, but man, i was wrong. when i finally told you my problems, everything felt so much better, so much clearer.

i remember how we used to not have that many phone calls at night. it felt more like i was scared of annoying you. but now, as we get closer at heart, the distance seems to bring this longing for each other, which leads to past midnight calls just to find comfort in your voice.

i remember how i used to lie to you like it's no one's business. like it wont hurt you. i now realize how lies can hurt, no matter how small they are. i can't promise i'll stop lying, but i promise i'll try to stop. i'll try real hard.

we've entered the honeymoon stage and went out of it once or twice. but somehow we'll always end up at where we want to be. i hope this will last. i hope this will never end. but people say after the honeymoon stage, we'll reach the stage where our relationship is really put to the test. but i hope we'll last.

as i said, some things are out of my control, some things are not only one sided. i'll just leave things in the hands of fate.

but i want you to know, i'm in this for the long run. i hope you are too. :)

happy 7 months baby. :)

Checkmate

2011-09-20T01:58:00.001-07:00

So ever since i started playing chess, the word checkmate seems to have a different effect on me..

I remember saying my first checkmate to my opponent. It's just the finality in that word and the way the opponent has that helpless look in her eyes. i cant help but feel a lil cruel. this actually reminds me of how life is. it will always be cruel no matter you like it or not.

Since then, whatever i do seem to have a checkmate in it. especially during exams. each time after i finish a paper, i somehow can hear a checkmate. either coming from my side, or the opponent's side.

for today's paper, i hear checkmates coming at me from all directions.

Filicinophyta. =.= wtf is that. LOL

2011-08-30T04:04:00.000-07:00

if you're wondering, thats a phylum. or a division of the kingdom plantae. i don't make any sense? i dont need to. :P

sorry, just a lil pissed off at my biology book for giving me so little information. that i have to carry my fat thick biology reference up and down, turning the pages to only find more info that my mind can register. haha. BUT. i don get the answer for my hw in the end. i have to actually sit down. think. connect everything together. relate em and finally get my answer. lol. so yeah. i spent the whole day doing 2 freaking pages. when i have like maybe 15 pages more? T.T

why do plants have so many division? and wth is monoecious. ecious? eeecious? delicious? LOL. okay. i should get back to my hw. enough ranting for now.

Hey! when did you come back? ...

2011-08-09T06:26:00.000-07:00

and immediately after that statement, will be : so why did you decide to quit matrics?

i understand that people rather get the first hand answer from me and it feels like the whole thing is less true if it comes from someone else. but you know what, after nearly one and a half month since i left labuan, i really dont like hearing people asking me that question.

there are usually variations to the questions like matrics no good ha? you think form 6 easier meh? matrics only one year eh, what for you come back?

people, i hate it when you ask me those questions because i have to go back to a past where it still kinda hurts. dont judge me, i'm human and i have rights to have emotions. =.=

so my usual answer to those questions are: i'm just scared i wont get the course after matrics. then a string of questions shoots against me again.

alright, so let me clarify here (if anyone actually reads my blog), but anyway.

Matrics is actually pretty good, aside from the living condition there and the food, it's actually not that bad. if you have friends that is, i had a bunch of awesome friends there, so all the homesick feelings and stuff didnt really hit me that bad. and the syllabus there is easier than form 6 or a levels. plus the college organizes all these activities to build your character and stuff, and you really get to have a pretty cool experience in trying new things. anddd. according to what people say, it's easier to get into local u with the course you want. at this point, you must be wondering why i came back and your tempted to ask me more again. =.=

this is the true reason. after going through all the jpa shit, it just sort of punctured a huge gaping hole in my self esteem. i actually feel incompetent to pursue what i want. and frankly, i just got brain drain, i lost hope in the government because it felt like even if i managed to get four flat in matrics with all the kk marks and stuff, i still won't get what i want in the uni. then what would i be left with? i'll have to repeat the foundation course in some private u. wouldn't it all be the same in the end? i won't get what i want and i'll just be wasting my parents money. and truth be told, it feels like matrics wont be able to give me a strong enough foundation for the course that i'm about to pursue. and jpa sort of got me thinking about my ambition. maybe i'm having second thoughts hmm? but i believe form 6 will help me decide. and the syllabus here is really hard actually. so i'll be more prepared to face uni life next time. pluss.. i'll be more mature after this. andd. form 6 give me a chance to go into local u, private u and even overseas.

so there, these are the reasons why i came back. so dont freaking ask me why anymore. if you do, i'll literally shove a fork up your ass. ==

but, no one will read this, and there will still be people who will ask. but it feels good to let it out.

and in case any of the juniors got matrics, just go if you want to. it's a good place with good things for you. it's just that different people have different choices. and i've been through different things.

that aching feeling....

2011-07-06T12:50:00.000-07:00

the painful reminder everytime i see that word. :(

sorry, feeling a little emo after reading "the notebook" :/

I miss you

2011-06-30T08:31:00.000-07:00

If the only place where I could see you was in my dreams, I'd sleep forever

T.T

2011-06-26T08:20:00.000-07:00

i don't like this feeling. i need reassurance again. help me...
or just kill me now. =.=

“It is when we all play safe that we create a world of utmost insecurity”

“A competent and self-confident person is incapable of jealousy in anything. Jealousy is invariably a symptom of neurotic insecurity"

i should hold these close to my heart. :/

that gripping sensation in the guts

2011-06-08T04:13:00.000-07:00

have you ever read something and felt this drop in your heart and gripping sensation in the guts? i've just experienced that. and damn i hate this feeling. this feels like crap. :/

i'm done

2011-06-01T07:31:00.000-07:00

you know what. i'm done with this shit. FU. =.=

Screwed. Messed up. :/

2011-05-20T03:39:00.000-07:00

things left unsaid overnight. will it come back to haunt us? :/

note to self: dont talk too much. keep your ~~fucking~~ thoughts to yourself.

I miss you :/

2011-05-18T09:21:00.000-07:00

I can't take the distance
I can't take the miles
I can't take the time till I next see you smile
I can't take the distance and I'm not ashamed
That with every breath I take,
I'm callin' your name
But I can't take the distance.

Re-evaluating myself

2011-05-15T05:23:00.000-07:00

FML

so jpa results finally came out. they offered me matrics. again. wtf..

now, my only choices are form 6 and matrics. both are good options. but each one is like making a bet on life. so it's time i sat down and think about how capable i am.

form 6 is soo freaking damn hard. no kidding. i look through the text book and i was like : apa lu cakap?. and to be able to gain admission to a local uni, i need a cgpa of above 3.5. O.o is that possible for me? but form six will def make me a better person. because if i can get through form six, university is nothing. (that's what i heard) lol. and stpm will offer me more choices of universities.

matrics huh. hmm. they say it's easier. is it? but the facilities there aren't that good. and according to the seniors, they always lack water there. T.T. it'll be like ns all over again. moreover, there's a risk of not getting the package i want. it does sound like matrics is not that good huh. but on the up side, matrics is one year only. and apparently local uni give priority to matrics student. as long as we get 4a. but i'll be competing with god knows how many other students. but if i don gain admission, it's sort of a dead end. T.T

oh God, help me. i've been trying to re-evaluate myself and see whether i can score in form 6. conclusion, i've no idea. i may have been lucky in spm. will i be lucky in stpm again? if i go matrics, can i get 4a? am i even smart? LOL i'm totally blurr and clueless now. ahh. fml. and plus the fact that i didn't get a better scholarship, it's like all my faith and confidence is drained out. i've lost faith in myself and the government. sigh.

form 6 or matrics?

i'm stuck at a crossroad and i don't know which way to go.

If I was perfect,
Then this would be easy
Either road is plausible
On both I could drown

BLAHdy stomach.......

2010-10-30T09:35:00.000-07:00

My stomach been hurting for almost a month now. thank god i manage to survive the mock exams. bloody lousy stomach i have....in addition to that i started having fever in the morning and the evening..i find it quite interesting because it's sort of timed..i have fever at around 10 in the morning and 6 to 7 in the evening..sometimes it will last for the whole night...weird right?....

i went to see three doctors and they conclude that i am too stressed...=.=...

i even had a blood test and a ultrasound to check if it w

as anything serious. In the end, it was just stress..

But seriously, i don't even feel stressed. at least not as much as compared to before. my friends tell me that it might be "internal stress", they say i might have stress without even realizing it..could that actually happen?...gosh..it's hard enough having to study with the stomach ache going on, and now i have to worry about a stress that i don't even know existed...

Just the other day, i was sitting in my room and like

an old person, i thought about my busy life for the last few years. my weeks were so packed with tuition and curricular activities, but they all seem to breeze by. i had no problem going to practice for 4 hours and going straight to tuition. sometimes the performances even lasted for one whole day and i had no problem with that. but now, i can barely get myself to go to a 2-hour tuition. am i getting old that fast?

then it struck me that it could be because i've stop going to the my chinese orchestra practices. maybe for almost 7 years that was my place to release my stress. it was where i was happy, where i could talk to my friends, a place that i could enjoy music. A place where i belonged..i really miss those days..but even if i could go now, i don think i have the energy to..lols..i sound so bloody old...=.=

well, i really can't do anything now. i just have to forget about the pain and go on studying. hopefully it is really stress related and when spm is over, so will the pain. if not, i cannot imagine how am i going to survive NS...T.T...everyone says that it's a really fun experience..but i'm just worried i might humiliate myself...haha...

anyway, good luck to all my friends in spm! =)

my ultrasound results~

i find them really cool though..hahaha...

Disney ♥

2010-09-17T00:35:00.000-07:00

2010-09-14T21:47:00.000-07:00

Life is unpredictable

2010-08-13T08:19:00.000-07:00

Just when i thought everything was fine.

the most unreasonable thing happened to me..

i can't say much here..

let's just say some unpredicted person did something to me unintentionally..

well, what can i say, life is unpredictable..

i just have to accept it..

We'll create memories together

2010-07-28T08:01:00.001-07:00

watching you walk by me,

my feelings for you suddenly became crystal clear,

trying recapture the memories we had,

i realized i reached out to an empty void,

none of our memories were engraved.

But i'll promise you this,

we'll create memories together. =)

My Best Birthday EVER!! =D

2010-07-16T02:09:00.002-07:00

I must be a stupid fool to never realize that i have such amazing friends around me.

They made my birthday this year a truly unforgettable one. =D

To all my friends, thank you so much. i am truly blessed to have friends like you. =)

All my amazing gifts. =D

-Our Memories- =)

Thank you Edna for creating such a wonderful album. Whenever i missed CO and you guys, I just look at the photos and it cheers me up again. It really reminded me of how lucky i am to have a sister like you. =D Thank You!

I'm speechless. I'm just so touched.

It never even crossed my mind that any of you would organize a party for me, what more buy a mp3. I'm still kinda shocked actually and i really don't know what to say. I think a thank you is far too small for what you guys have done for me. Anyway,

To all Oku family members, friends and CO members: Thank you so so much! i love you all! =D

my present from my darling, mary...XP

although after i got this present, i got "caked" by mary and audrey(=.=), i had loads of fun. =D

thank you mary, audrey, amanda, bao joo and miss tchee..=D

Once again,

THANK YOU

you guys have made this birthday the best birthday i have ever had. =D

Distance

2010-07-11T05:42:00.000-07:00

How I wish I could close that distance between us.

But you and I know that the barrier between us is unbreakable,

and it hurts me more than you can imagine.

That Moon

2010-06-30T08:52:00.001-07:00

The moon that night seemed more peaceful, yet creating this romantic ambiance.

I'll always remember how it glowed and filled this emptiness in me, because i knew you were sharing the same moon with me. ♥

My first music competition

2010-06-20T08:04:00.001-07:00

i joined the sarawak music competition that was organized by Trinity Guildhall. Actually i'm not really sure why i joined, but my teacher said that it will help me gain the experience and confidence.

Upon arrival, I realized my group consisted of the most people, they all looked like professionals, and mind you, they even played like professionals. I was contestant no. 6, i was not really that nervous, i had no expectation of winning anyway. But it was the pressure from the audience that made me nervous.

When it was my turn, i went up, bowed and sat down. The piano keys were really soft, so i sort of rushed the tempo and i forgot some notes in the middle. But this feeling in the spotlight was really different, i felt like i was in my own world, it felt like i was practicing at home, i was really fighting the urge to stop playing.haha. At first when i started i was really nervous, but the image of that someone suddenly popped in my mind and i was at ease. Nevertheless, there were lots and lots of slipped notes, but who cares. I can't believe i had the guts to perform in front of an audience. =D

i would have taken some pictures, but they didn't allow it. =(

School's starting tomorrow..*sigh*

Goodbye holiday.

Is it the end?

2010-05-12T23:28:00.000-07:00

Where are we now?

what are we now?

where do we stand now?

i'm on this boulevard of confusion.

trying to figure out if there might still be hope.

we met today.

i tried greeting you.

but that expression you carried as you saw me.

it showed it all..

suddenly the clouds of confusion were cleared,

my blurred hopes were cleaned,

my small glint of hope was broken,

marking the end of our friendship.

i'm sorry.

i was not a good friend.

i didn't appreciate you.

i'm sorry.

maybe without me,

your life is happier,

without my presence,

it actually might be better.

Thank you for being in my life.

all these years we had,

i'll cherish it to the end,

even though they may be faint memories.

i don't want this to end.

but you have closed the doors.

you have made a choice.

The end has finally came.

For the love of books... ♥♥♥

2010-05-02T02:59:00.000-07:00

went to the bookstore today..

realized that i want to read so many books...

so many books, but so little time...

*sigh*

Remorse..

2010-04-12T08:19:00.000-07:00

I saw us together in the future,

pursuing our dreams,

but suddenly the vision was blurred,

the bonds were broken.

You pushed me out of your life,

You took the other turn,

I was too proud,

So I went the opposite direction.

But now i regret for making that turn,

Will i be able to turn back?

Will i find my way back?

Will we ever be the same?

Seat Belts SAVE LIVES!

2010-04-11T05:58:00.000-07:00

Today on the way to tuition, my car got knocked from the rear..

I was talking happily with my mother when suddenly the car in front slowed down, so my mum slowed down too..then "BANG"..the car stopped.

I was dumbfounded, i had no idea what happened, until my mum said:"oh no, someone knocked the car."

Luckily i was wearing my seat belt, the impact was huge, i felt the seat belt holding me back from hitting face first into the dashboard..

I can't imagine what would happen if i was not wearing the seat belt...

REMINDER TO ALL:

ALWAYS WEAR YOUR SEATBELT

2010-04-05T08:01:00.000-07:00

Things like this make me stop and think about life.

Am i among the stars?

2010-04-04T05:25:00.000-07:00

There is a quote saying:

"Shoot for the moon, even if you miss, you'll land among the stars"

but I don't feel like i have landed among the stars...

it feels more like landing on the ground right in the face...

i should have never set my goals so high..

and now the regret, remorse and disappointment is sucking the life out of me..

i know i have to get up when i fall..

but right now i just want to stay on the ground with my face planted on it...

that way there'll be no more embarrassment or any disappointments...

Lesson of The Day

2010-04-01T05:21:00.001-07:00

Never underestimate the power of friendship. Sometimes it's the little things that change your life.

*if any of my friends were to read this, i want to apologize to all of you.i'm sorry.

Lesson of The Day

2010-03-30T08:13:00.000-07:00

Sleeping too much causes severe headache and wastes time...

note to self: Don't be such a pig...OINK

My Blessed Companion.

2010-03-25T05:25:00.000-07:00

You came into my life,

As i stepped into teenage hood,

At first just thinking of making friends,

Not knowing it would bloom like this.

Nobody understands,

How our bonds are so strong,

Even if i tried to tell,

They probably won't comprehend.

We've been through thick and thin,

From pain to joy,

We have survived,

We have stayed strong.

You were the rainbow,

At the end of the storm,

You stayed by my side,

When the world turned away.

I'm not sure i'm much of a friend,

I know i'm imperfect,

With flaws i can't correct,

But this much i know is true.

I want you to know,

This 4-year friendship is no joke to me,

I believe there is many more years to come,

With much more memories to carve.

At times obligations may take up our time,

Taking away the time for talking,

But I believe you would understand,

That I'll always be there.

Burdens are lighter when carried by two,

If you need someone to talk to,

Or just a helping hand,

I'll be the one waiting there.

One day, life might part our ways,

Leading us to different paths,

Living our different destinies,

But i know our hearts will be linked forever.

By the end of the day,

When we have fought our battles,

This is what i promise you,

That you'll always be my best friend.

Then we'll live in Heaven together,

Where we'll never grow old,

Reminiscing the old times,

While walking on the path paved of our memories.

**********

This poem is dedicated to my best friend, Cai Hong.

Just want to apologize for not being able to talk much ever since we were in different classes.

Who knows where life will bring us in the future. But with this poem, our friendship will be forever immortalized(sounds like sonnet 18..xD).

I can't catch up...

2010-03-24T07:42:00.000-07:00

Where are the times when people take life slowly, relaxing all the way, taking in everything as they come and go?...

Life can be really overwhelming at times...

Recently it feels like i'm just so comfortable at where i am now, but life is pacing forward, leaving me behind..

friends take a step ahead, while i'm still behind..

I guess this is the post exam period when i'm feeling a little sentimental..xD

it just feels like my head is so filled with crap and nonsense..

and they seem to be disrupting my life...

I wish there was someone that could listen to me go on and on about my life and not form impressions of me...(and yes, i do care about what people think...=P)

i not complaining i don't have good friends....

they're real great friends, i'm truly blessed to have met them..

My best friend is an even more incredible being, i deeply madly and truly appreciate our friendship, but we're not in the same class anymore, and she's really busy. anyway, who would want to hear a friend rambling about how miserable life is when she's at the peak of her life?...

but friends are humans, humans form impressions, impressions can kill at times..(if you know what i mean).

Can a life be paused?

That glance ♥

2010-03-21T05:13:00.000-07:00

At first i find you attractive,

At first i find you interesting,

At first i find you charming,

Never thinking i would feel like this.

Once, i took a look at you,

The feeling was unbearable,

Pumps and pumps of passion flowing in my blood,

Making my heart go wild,

I took another glance at you,

At that moment,

I was sure i was in love.

Now, I'm drowning deeper into this realm,

Unable to find a path out,

But i'm happy i met you,

I'm happy i made that glance.

♥♥♥

The Show Must End..

2010-03-21T04:53:00.000-07:00

You're an actor,

A superb actor,

Endowed with talent,

To mesmerize the public.

Many hearts have been captured,

Many lies have been told,

But i know better,

Behind that mask of deception.

The curtain has fallen,

Take off the mask,

Be your true self,

The show must end.

Rain...

2010-03-10T02:31:00.000-08:00

It's just amazing how the natural things in life can make you think of something that seems so far away...

i was having exam today in school. then, it suddenly rained...at that time, the test was quite difficult and i was sort of frustrated...

the sudden downpour sort of woke me from my frustration..so i decided to just relax and let things cool for the moment..i looked out the window...watching the raindrops falling....it felt so familiar....

it was then, i had this nostalgic feeling..a memory suddenly surfaced in my mind...

it was a few years ago, i was still new to the school..trying to fit it and stuff...i met someone that i had feelings to..i thought i was in love..or so i thought...

i remember that day..we were not friends anymore..i was depressed..i saw you from a distance..with that beautiful smile you have..that crinkle that formed in your eyes and the way they sparkle..you were with your friends..i just wanted to see you...but each time you saw me, it was like i was invincible..you saw right through me..

then you suddenly turned around as your friends pointed to this direction..right at that moment, there was a heavy downpour..you were straining your eyes to find me..then you turned back and continued talking..i hid in the crowd so you couldn't see me..

i remember the way the rain blurred my vision..i remember thanking the rain for letting me watch you for just one more moment.......i remembered how pathetic i was...

***

seriously, i not sure if this was just my imagination or it was something that really happen...the things that happened that year are really hazy...i wonder why....

but i thank the rain today for reminding me that i am where i am because i persevered...

it reminded me how great love can be...and how painful it was...

"love can be the medicine to all the pain in the world, but there is no medicine in the world that can cure the pain caused by love"

AGREED.

randomness......

2009-08-30T09:32:00.000-07:00

i just suddenly felt the urge to post up something on my blog...
seeing that it's DEAD..for months already..
tomorrow's National Day..not that it affects me in any way though.haha..
this means that my short one-week holiday is about to be over..
so what did i do this whole week?
well, i practically slept, not that i wanted to, i didn't have the energy to get up..
all my holiday plan..ahh..ruin..crap..
i was sick..this time i was sick for like 5, 6 days, crap man, it has been so long since i have gotten so sick..haha..

i have this feeling inside..it's not something i usually feel..
this feeling is just different in many ways..it's really hard to describe..
you see, since exam started, i feel like i am going through a change..
i just hope i'm changing for the better..but who knows..i have a bad feeling about this..
now during the holidays, this change is like even more protruding until its presence is rather annoying..
i really have no idea what's going on...
i'm just losing interest in everything...
i'm just being a totally different person...
i'm afraid my friends might avoid me...
i think something's wrong with me...or am i just thinking too much?
or is this the after effect of being sick for too long?..
who knows..who knows...
i hope when school reopens, i'm going back to normal..
i think i'm about to go insane..but whatever..
i feel better now..
crap this life of mine..i'm going to bed..
haha..

My blog is ALIVE again!!...well, sort of......

2009-08-07T05:42:00.000-07:00

i know i know. my blog has been dead for, er..four months?..haha..i've been really really busy. with all the homework, exams, prefect, co-curricular activities, tuitions, i can barely find time to sleep..lols..anyway, loads had happen since i last updated..

************************************

The Miri Camp

about ten of us joined this music camp that was held at a school(pei min secondary school) in miri. it was like after exam, then during the holidays we went there. if i'm not wrong, it was a tuesday night, we all met at the airport and departed. this was really cool because it was my first time going somewhere out of kuching without my parent's guidance.haha.the flight was slightly delayed. by the time we reached there, it was quite late and most of us haven't eaten our dinner yet. so there were three cars that came to fetch us.

the lady that drove me there reminded me a lot of my bio teacher.lols.anyway, we reached the school. my first impression was: wow, this is some big school. then they brought us to their orchestra room. we opened the door and everyone was looking at us, because the camp actually started on monday, but we went on tuesday night. so we were the last batch of ppl. then we all went to our own sections, at that time they were practicing. i tried to play my part.lols. then at about 10 something, we went to our dormitories. on room had 5 ppl in it, my roommates were great. 3 of us from kuching and 2 of them from miri. they were really friendly.

the first night for me was rather horrible. because i always had trouble sleeping. so in the end i slept at 1 something. the next day i was really tired and then we all had to wake up and get ready by 6 something. lols. it was a fun experience. it was my first time sharing a room with so many ppl and sharing the toilet with them too.haha. the second day, third day and fourth day the practices and activities were tiring but fun. actually i have loads to write but i'm afraid it will bore you to death.haha. on some of the nights, some of us even went out to eat and slept late.it was really fun.then it was the performance, i tried my best, but still, i'm quite disappointed.but it's the past now. after the performance, everyone started taking pictures.haha.2 guys from kuching were exceptionally "hot"..so many people ask for their hotmail, handphone and even blogspot[=.=]. then on sunday, it was sort of a one day trip. the miri people brought us around miri. we went to the beach, went shopping..

the people at miri are really really friendly. i really had fun there. their chinese are like totally geng, i feel so ashamed.XD.i met some nice friends there.especially from section. thanks to you guys for teaching me and stuffs.=D.the people there are like super talented too, i mean seriously.haha.i do regret that at the beginning i didn't really like this trip, but then i slowly got to like being there. i still kinda miss that place actually.hopefully i get to go again.

here are some pictures..

this is the super mosquito killer.XD.really super effective..

my stuff + zhang min's stuff + xin jie's stuff

our matresses.mine is the blue one with the purple sleeping bag.XD

hallway of "fame".XD.straight to the toilet.haha

min jing taking a nap.XD.(before being kicked by sin yee..)

after being kicked(notice the head)..haha..

*********************

-to be continued-

Form 4 Life...

2009-04-09T07:44:00.000-07:00

so it has been about...er...6 months since i last updated?..hahaha..the last time i wrote in, i was busy preparing for PMR..and now..i'm busy just trying to keep up with my schoolwork..haha..

last year's Holiday, one word - FUN.. for once i was free from all tuition..but i actually spend most of my time on crappy stuff...lols...but it was by far the best holiday i had..i went out a hell lot with my friends..join the sarawak open chess competition and met a few new friends..haha..needless to say, i lost badly there..but i learnt a lot from that competition..i met ppl from other countries...and my god, they are so good at chess..haha...

and so..there goes the holiday..then it was time to start studying again...=.=...so i was "put" in 4s1..whereas all my good friends were at 4s2, leaving me alone in that class..but actually this class of mine is quite good..i mean the ppl are friendly and good..though a little competitive(no offense..i'm one of them too..=X)..and by the way, i'm quite close with "cili padi" now(you know who you are)...haha...

Form Four Life...the so-called "honeymoon year"...but i miss my form 3 much much more now..XD....form four is just so..so..so...what's that word...challenging..haha..so many new subjects, so much homework, so LITTLE time.....the subject that i really have difficulty in is Biology..at least that was what i thought..but after about four months..i'm now struggling in bio, add maths, chem, and even modern maths..hahaha...and i have a huge stack of homework waiting for me..haha...for these four months, i've been lacking sleep almost everyday..i guess i need to manage my time properly..haha.. maybe form four is really a honeymoon year to ppl like my sister..she doesn't care about her homework...wow..sadly..i can't do that...haha..

Oral Test...the one thing that i dread most every year..i'm not a person who can speak coherently...in fact, i constantly stutter..haha..so i had my BM lisan that day..right at the moment i was going to be tested...it rained so heavily that the teacher had to sit nearer to listen..hopefully my results would be ok..and i had my english oral today..haha..out of a sudden, when i was dozing off in class, the teacher called my name..i was so blurr when she first called me..then i was required to talk about the moral values i learnt from the poem "si tenggang's homecoming"..haha..so i walked up...i had no idea what i was talking about as i was still quite blurr from being awaken from my sleep..haha...i just crapped up there..my results might be bad..but one good news,i don't need to worry about my oral anymore..haha..

well, i guess that's all...that is practically what happen in the last six months..there is much more actually..but i'm LAZY..i'm born to be lazy..lols..till next time then..cheers~=D

(maggot, i finally updated my blog..XD)

string of events..birthday, performance, exams.......

2008-09-12T21:35:00.000-07:00

It has been so long since i wrote..haha..so much had happened since i last posted..i was way too busy with my homework and school..

and what the heck..i finally realize PMR is very near..haha..

is it too late??....XD

First, i am going to talk about my birthday..to me, this year was the best birthday i had so far..well, first..it is because that someone actually wished me happy birthday..*smiles*..haha..and this year i had the most birthday wishes from my friends..and not to mention even more present..

the day before my birthday, me, michelle and sin yee went to this steamboat place to celebrate my birthday..haha..well, the truth is i never had a steamboat outside..so i was kinda sakai when i was there..lol..actually we all were sakai..we also took too much food and in the end we had to think of ways to actually hide the rest of the food so we wouldn't be charged..haha..i really enjoyed myself that night...=D...thanks guys..

ON the actual day of my birthday, 15th july, i receive a lot of presents and wishes from my classmates and friends..=D..i realy thank you guys for making my day..and the best was i had the most special present i could get from that someone..but i really really was happy that day..

my family also celebrated at home..here are some pics..

my sis, me and my bro XD

my birthday presents from my family. i love that twin tower.haha.because of my weird affection for miniatures..don ask...

*********************************************

Gala Seni SMK Green Road

my school organized this concert that was held in civic centre for two nights. the that whole week, it was so tiring, we had to carry the instruments from the school, up the stairs then back to school and then after that i had to go to school..haha..but the truth is i kinda enjoy carrying instruments though. don understand why so many ppl don like it, or am i weird?..who cares..haha..

on the first night, quite a lot of ppl showed up, we performed, they performed, it was an enjoyable night. the one i enjoyed most was the shuffle.haha.it was quite cool and that performance had the loudest appluase.

the second night, had more programmes because there was the VIP. i had fun, it was interesting but i didn't take any photos.haha.too lazy.at the end, we all took a group photo and that was the end of the concert. hope our ayahanda was happy about the response.haha.i don have much to say about this concert because personally, i don think it was a success.haha.

***************************************

After the concert, it was exam time. my first mock to be more specific. it was quite nice to have the test in the morning because i feel more fresh than having test during the hot afternoon. i guess i did ok for the exams although i am still not satisfied with my results.i still can't get straight A's till now.damn.how will i get straight A's in PMR??...haih...

After mock, was holiday time. during the whole holiday, not one day was spent to prepare for the upcoming PMR.haha. i overnight at sin yee's house for two nights.during the second day, they prepared sort of a game to play. it was treasure hunting. we were divided into 2 groups. i was in the red groups, jordy and michelle teo was in my group. and the blue group consists of ik haw, michelle lim and christine. at the beginning of the game, neither group was leading then suddenly my group was leading and we had to play this aeroplane game. we could choose whether to take off or land the aeroplane.we decided to take off.luckily jordy knew how to play and we were quite fast.then we had to do something else to actually win the game. we have to find 20 grass, 10 ants, 3 flies and 3 fruits in sin yee's house.the grass, ants and the fruits were a piece of cake.the only problem was the fly.haha.we found 2 flies but the last flies made us lost the game.haha.no matter how we tried we couldn't catch that last fly.(i hate flies forever!).haha.but i realy had fun that day although we lost.lol.

me, michelle and jordy emo for losing the game because of ONE fly....XD

memorable times.....*smiles*

the only picture we manage to make sin yee take with us..haha..

***********************************

well, i sure had a very memorable holiday thanks to them.=D. i guess thats all for now.gotta get prepared for my next mock next week. i haven't even opened one bloody book yet.damn.so dead.haha.

and oh ya, i got merit for my piano exam.yay!!.don think i am a lunatic but i am really really really happy because i thought i might have failed!haha.XDDDD

anyway, cheers~

Piano Exam

2008-06-16T04:23:00.000-07:00

Today, i had my grade 6 piano exam and i was totally not ready at all. For the past two weeks, i couldn't practice properly at all. i couldn't play my scales smoothly and my pieces were also getting worse. i kept on practising but the more i practiced the more worse it became.

Then it was the last week of the exam, i practically started to avoid the piano, i didn't want to sit on that chair, i didn't want to put my fingers on the keys, i didn't want to touch that piano. i was to afraid to face the fact that i was not ready for the exam yet, and my scales and pieces still needed more practice. during the last piano lesson before the exam, i played quite terribly, i knew that my teacher was quite disappointed. my aural wasn't going well too, i couldn't remember the melody, my pitch was way out, i couldn't diffeciate between perfect and imperfect cadences and i didn't know how to tell which period was the piece played. i was afraid i might fail. i guess this time i am just really under pressure because i put too much pressure on myself, in my grade 5 exam, surprisingly i got a distinction, i was shocked then. and maybe because of this, i really wanted to do well in this exam but i wasn't ready.

The day before the exam....i only practiced once because i couldn't play properly and i didn't want to face that fact again....this morning....i woke up at about 8...my mind was so crowded with things that i couldn't think straight anymore...i kepy on thinkin about the exam..and the truth was there was someone in my head that made me truly very frustrated.. i dreaded from going near the piano, but i knew i had to practice sooner or later so only at about 10 then i sat down and tried to force myself to practice. today was ok i guess, i still slipped a lot but not as much as i did for the past 2 weeks. i told myself to relax and kept on practicing. i practiced my aural, and i sounded bad..haha..totally out of pitch..then it was time to leave the house and go to merdeka palace.

As usual, i went to the lobby and went to the lift and press number 5. as the lift door opened, i saw my teacher and it was very cold..and so i sat on the cushion chair and told myself to relax. i read through some of the terms for piano and on how to differenciate the different periods. then i took my piano book and look through my pieces, then i covered it and just stared at this sign that was stuck to the wall..it wrote :

"examination in progress

keep silent"

i didn't know why i keep on looking at that..haha...then it was my brothers turn to have the exam. when he went it my heart started beating real fast because i know after his turn it would be my turn. i breathe deeply and tried to relax. but somehow the time was passing so slow, i just really wanted to get it done and get it over with..then my bro came out. and my heart was beating 10 times faster...i walked to the door and waited. my legs were wobbly and i felt that i could have just colapsed any second..haha...i could hear my heart beating so fast i thought i might have had a heart attack..haha..then the examiner opened the door and greeted me. i walked in and said :"Good afternooon, sir." in a very shaky voice.haha...then he asked me to sit and he ask whether i want to start with scales first or pieces first. i answered him and then the exam started. my scales were ok, except for a few slip notes here and there.but the worst was my contrary motion..haha..i had to many false starts. i repeated almost 3 times..then the pieces..i can't say i played well, but when i play the pieces i didn't fell like i was playing it like i always do, i felt so uncomfortable. then the sight reading was ok. then it was time for the aural. the melody part was ok.then it was the sight singing, man, was i out of pitch..haha..but i went on singing..haha..then the others was ok...

at least now i can finally put my mind off the exam because it is over..phew..i would be happy if i just had a pass..hopefully i won't fail..but if i do..i will try my best the next year..and hopefully the next year i won't be this unprepared anymore...

So, this is about my day today and my piano exam for grade 6...

inter-division chess competition

2008-05-12T05:47:00.000-07:00

it has been so long since i updated my blog..haha...was really busy with school work..
this time i am going to talk about a chess competition i joined...i was selected to represent Kuching in this inter-division chess competition..
this was my first time and i was really nervous..on the first day, i went there and i didn't know where to go..haha..so i walked around and ask a teacher where is the Kuching ppl gathering..and surprisingly the teacher i asked was the teacher in charge of Kuching..lols...then i went to the place where everyone gathered..i was quite surprise to see so many ppl there..i then put my bag now and had my breakfast..i am not the kind who is sociable..so i was so alone..i just sat alone at one table and ate my breakfast and read a book..then it was time for the competition..i was afraid that i might be playing with a very skillful opponent..
then i walked in the hall..man! it was so cold..i forgotten to bring my sweater..then the arbitors told us what to do..the rules and illegal moves..and they said that we had to write down our steps..every step we took, we must record them..i was so shocked..as i didn't know how to write down..luckily the other participants sitting beside me was willing to teach me..
and so the game began..then i was getting colder and colder..my whole body was actually shaking so badly that when i took the pieces it would keep shaking..haha..in the first round..i lost to a Betong person..because i made too many wrong moves..then i walked out the hall, but there was no one to talk to...so sad..so i walked around the state library..i had to wait until everyone had finish their game before i could proceed to the other round..and one round was as long as 3 hours!..so i waited..and waited.. and waited..then in the 2 second..i lost again..haha..in the third round.i was winning..but...i accidentally made it draw..but at least i learnt something..so that was the end of the first day...
2nd day....i won 2 out of 3 rounds....3rd day....i didn't win that last round..haha..i was actually the worst among all the for girls under 15 participants for Kuching...but it was my first time..what could i do??..haha..
during the prize giving ceremony..Kuching won the overall competition..and the top 6 of every category was going to represent Sarawak to compete in the inter-state competition...i was of course not selected..haha...but i was happy to be able to make some friends and to be able to compete in this competition..i learn quite a lot of things..
anyway, hopefully in the future i will be able to win more rounds...well i guess thats all...haha...
=D

the touching talk...

2008-04-08T08:44:00.000-07:00

it has been a long time since i wrote my blog...i was just way too busy with my school work...at the same time i had so much tuition too...during this period of time..i thought my life was finally lifting up..and yet i realize that not only that it is not lifting up but it is goin down...have you ever had that feeling?..i feel so happy yet so sad...ahh..i dunno la...
anyway, today my class and some other class went to the school hall to hear a talk..it is about a woman who had hot water poured on her face and now it is deformed...
the story goes like this..she was in a poor family and when she was born, her mother ran away...her father did not care about her and became an alcoholic..when she was 17, she had a boyfriend..she said that she was happy that she finally found someone that cared for her and loved her..then she lived with the man..and soon she got pregnant...she forced her boyfriend to get married to her..in the end they got married although the boyfriend did not want to..then her boyfriend had an affair with someone else...then she divorced him and bringing her child..she went to work at a nightclub..she was very sad of what her ex husband did and started to drink, smoke and take drugs..at the nightclub she had to drank and chat with the men to earn more money...then she met this guy.he was a troubled man..
then on one fateful night, the man can to her house during the middle of the night and complain to her that he had abdominal pain..she knew how uncomfortable it was to have abdominal pain so she invited him in...she made a cup of milk for him to make him comfortable and boil some water to help him cease the pain...then while she was making the milk...the man suddenly walk up to her and strangled her...he stretched out his hand and took a knife from the sink and stabbed her in the head and all over her body...as if that wasn't enough, he took the boiling water and poured it all over her face...then her beautiful face became deformed and all swollen...
this happen 19 years ago..since then she went around telling ppl that life can still be happy although your outside may not look good...she told us that she had 24 surgeries to make her face look like now..but no matter how many surgeries were done, the doctors still could not help her have the beautiful face she used to have...she have lost sight of her right eye because of the hot water....i know it may sound like a movie..but i saw her face with my own eyes..what she said is true...i admit that i was touched...hehe...
well, i guess thats all for now...cheers~

chess competiton

2008-03-30T05:31:00.000-07:00

it has been quite some time since i updated my blog..heh...was too busy with all my project and stuffs...
i joined this chess competition because my friend wanted me to join...my friend taught me how to play chess because i barely knew how to play..haha...so the competition was held on 29 adn 30 or march at SMK Tunku Abdul Rahman...on the first day, i went there and saw many people..i also made many friend in this competition..every contestant had to play 8 rounds..the person who wins the most rounds would win..at first i was thinking how was i going to win as i just only started playing less than a month..so the first round and second round i won..but the third and fourth i lost...then the fifth round...i won again..haha...
then on the second day, we had to finish round 6,7,8..when we reached there it was about to start...i was kind of nervous as i was not sure whether i would win or not..but in the end i won in all three rounds..lol...after that it was the prize giving ceremony..surprisingly i was in the top ten..i got number 6..heh...i was really very surprise..maybe i have finally found my talent..lol..my talent is in playing chess..i feel like a nerd...haha...
well, i guess thats all for now..will try to update soon..
cheers~

frustrating day

2008-03-22T08:19:00.000-07:00

it has been quite some time since i updated my blog....
so let me talk about my results for this progressive test...hmmm..it was ok..although i am not that satisfied with my english but the others are ok...i guess my teacher is just strict...so overall i am quite satisfied...
yesterday something happened...my bro and i were cycling outside our house..then my bro was cycling real fast in front of me..suddenly he lost his balance and fell face first to the ground...in my mind i was like: he's ok..he's ok..then he got up...he left cheek was all covered in blood..i was stunned for a while..i saw blood oozing out from his mouth..i thought his teeth broke or something..then i quickly ask him to run home and tell my parents...i quickly got of my bike and push both the bikes back to the house..when i went in the house, my bro's blood had all been washed off...luckily his teeth was not broken..but his lips were wounded quite badly and his chin was all bloody..it was kinda scary actually but luckily he was still ok...
so today..something happened again..i can't say it in detail but..all i can say is that it involve love and friendship..it had been going on for some time just that now just that today it has gotten much more serious and my friend has to choose between love and friendship..haih..i was very fed up with this prob..i really don't know what to do......
but what the heck..what can i do....
guess thats all for now..hopefully this problem will be solved as soon as possible...

ending of the holidays

2008-03-15T07:06:00.000-07:00

it has been quite a few days since i updated..hehe..i just kept forgetting..lol.....
so let me talk about wednesday..that was the day my sister's results came out..and she got 9A1, 1A2, and 1B3 for chinese..wow..now i have even more pressure..i really hate pmr...i have to get straight A's cause my sis got straight A's....lol...well, what to do...sometimes i just wonder how does her mind work??....haha...
thursday..hmm..went to tuition..my friends came to my house to teach me chess..lol..i joined a chess competition when i didn't even know how to play..am i too stupid or what?...hahaha...friday, i went to piano and in the afternoon was chess training again..haha...i even beat my friend once because he wasn't paying attention..hahaha...then at night, i went to the spring..went to the MPH bookstore and just looked around..after that we went to pick my sis from work and went home...
well, today was the most hectic day i had ever had...lol...my chinese orchestra training changed to saturday morning..so i woke up early and went there..it was ok..then after that,went home and bath and eat..then i went to tuition..we learn about reproduction..my god..so much to remember..haha...after that tuition, i went home to eat dinner and went to tuition again..it was not bad..was laughing the whole time..haha...then after that i went home and finally i can call it a day...
the holidays are almost over and i haven't finish my homeworks and project..i am so dead...i don even feel like i am having a holiday..haih..i rather just go to school and study..i feel so tired from all this homework..haha...well..hopefully tomorrow i can finish my homework in time....
guess thats all for now..will try to update everyday..lol...cheers~

outing..

2008-03-11T07:19:00.000-07:00

today i went out with my friends. we went to the spring and ate our lunch at kenny roger's roasters. my god, the price of our lunch was like so expensive. but it is just once in a blue moon.. and today we celebrated my friend, michelle's birthday. we saw many ppl from our school at spring. we had a great time there...so the lunch was worth it...
after the shopping, i had to go tuition..*haiz*..i was so tired..when we were doing the tests, i actually fell asleep for a few minutes..lol...i don't think i'll get acceptable results for the test..but what to do..my chinese is as poor as it can possibly be...i am trying so hard to improve but i just can't...so sad...
well, i guess thats all for now..i gotta sleep now..gonna faint soon..lol....
bye~

holidays...

2008-03-10T06:49:00.000-07:00

I don't feel like i am having a holiday...lol..maybe because got too much tuition...this morning i just keep waking up, like for every half hour..lol..
after waking up, i got ready and went to school for performance...i was so tired from carrying all the instruments...so after the performance, we had to wait in the room until the whole thing finish to carry the instruments from the back stage..during that time, something happened..to make a long story short..the thing had not been settled even though i had loads of help from my friends...
when i reach home, i decided to try to settle this problem..so i sms the person..and she said that she needed some time and it was not my fault..so i guess it is sort of settled...
then after that i went to have a swim ar sarawak club, i guess i too long didn't swim...swim for a while then out of breath liao..lol...
after that, i went home and got ready for tuition...the tuition was so tiring..because i was learning indices..i do until i feel so drowsy..haha...
well,guess thats all for now...ciao~

exhausted

2008-03-09T08:06:00.000-07:00

woke up early to go church..and don't know what happen to the electricity...the whole building dark dark..lol...after church i went to chinese orchestra practice...it was ok...then i came home..slept on the floor will cleaning my room..lol..then cleared up my room and just sat there doing nothing..then something pop up in my mind..i was wondering why almost in every test i have, i will feel very drowsy..after thinking for a long time..i found the answer(kinda stupid one)..haha....i think when i am thinking of something and i can't find the solution, my mind will go all messy and my mind will shut down..lol..then i will feel really really drowsy..haha...but luckily after that it will revive..haha....after that i went to watch harry potter's first movie..then after that..i spent my whole time watchin happy tree friends..haha...
so i guess thats all for now...cheers~

run ragged day...

2008-03-08T06:32:00.000-08:00

So today, i woke up quite late because i slept late. i have problems sleeping. got scolded for waking up late(of course..lol)...then went down to get ready food...lol
My sister and I watched "meet the spartans"..it was hilarious..haha...but kinda dirty..after that i went to do my tuition homework..after that i went to tuition...tuition was ok la...then after that four thirty come back and eat..then go tuition again..lol...this time is PBK..i actually kinda like going there because the teacher is very humorous.=)..
After tuition i went to buy some reference book...my mom wanted me to do during holiday..but i ain't gonna do..no way..haha...today was quite a tiring day...i guess that all...nothing much...well, gotta go to sleep now...cheers~

I MISS DD...lol..

boredom....

2008-03-07T03:07:00.000-08:00

today was actually a very boring day. in the morning went piano lesson, as usual i did not practice. got scolded quite badly..haha..so i came back...and think of what i wanna do for the afternoon...maybe watch a movie or something..but in the end i fell asleep on the couch in a very awkward position and now my back bone hurts...haha..sleep for three hours in that position..haha...thats why sometimes i just don't like taking naps..haih..they take up too much time..well, i guess thats all for now....cheers~

last day of exam

2008-03-06T03:57:00.000-08:00

well, today is the last day of my progressive exam..but somehow i don't feel that happy..i just don't know why, it's like these few days life just can't lift up anymore..it's all dull and boring...tomorrow is the beginning of my holiday..the first thing i am going to do is sleep, sleep, sleep all day long like a log..haha..then maybe i would plan on how to spent it "meaningfullly"..

i guess thats all for now..i'll update it soon..

p.s. this is my first time starting a blog, so don't blame me if i suck in it...=)...